@H0llywoodWh0re — My Illness Explained
Often, I speak of my #illness as it is my illness that brings me to #Twitter. At the age of twenty-six, I am no longer living merely I am surviving – surviving without knowledge of how long I may have the strength to fight a battle that day by day I’m losing. Diagnosed in August 2004, within a second the life as I knew it existed no longer. With the passing of the years, the concept of an absent existence has been evident, as quality of life I no longer have. Internally dead; mind, body, and soul – I exist only for the single day my body catches up with the death and until than the only thing I know is brutal suffering and agony.
Raped, was my dreams and goals of a future, murdered before my eyes as I struggle to cope. Prideful, I was, as I was the first in the family to attend college on a full paid scholarship based on grades and obtain a second full paid scholarship to medical school. A scholarship I was presented with, with honors, as I graduated with a degree in nursing with a minor in human psychology — just a few months prior to my deadly determination and diagnoses. It was I who found happiness in my thirst for knowledge, it was I who based everything on the education I could clearly call a success – a year ahead of my peers due to being allowed to attend college a half a day my senior year in high school. In both the workforce and the continued education my illness came to interfere. However, I tried. Myself, I can be called many things but one thing that I am not is a quitter. Forced to quit both, I went through a bout of major depression – again, I based my happiness on my ability to be something in this society and stand out for it. Partly, this attitude was due to my twenty years of emotional, sexual, and physical abuse – a cycle I broke in April 2008 after living my death.
However, it is I who refuse to be labeled – an attitude I developed not at the diagnoses of my illness but at the sound of the word ‘terminal’. It was my thirst for knowledge that drove me to the young woman you see today. Writing, the only thing my attacker and illness couldn’t pilfer – writing for me comes naturally without a second thought. Often, I am known in saying I write out my soul word for word like a disease. It is true. Writing allows me the chance to be respectful to myself, with self truth – my personal writing allows myself to honor myself when I know no other honor. My account was created here on Twitter, with no idea as to how it would affect me – to the positive. Twitter allows me a positive escape, a positive focus – I write with truth, open with who the young woman behind the screen name is, allowing others to visually know my struggles. I write to escape as I write to help myself, in helping myself my only wish is that myself honesties will allow another to be helped – be it terminal illness, chronic pain, or life after abuse. In being honest, if I did not have Twitter, I wouldn’t exist as I would have been dead. It is all the concepts of Twitter, combined, that I owe my life to – a hidden secret that no one knows as I believe no one realizes how merciless a life without quality is.
Refusing to sit around, I decided to become pro-active. Knowing that I could no longer educate myself in a conventional setting I decided to do this on my own through the content on the globally connected world of the Internet. Knowledgeable, I could no longer obtain communication, face to face; I act to build a positive communication network as I increase my social networking footprint. Knowing I could no longer reach the goals, I had slip away from my hands; I decided to use my writing to my benefit – becoming a social media journalist, a job that incorporates both my passions (writing & social networking such as my focus of Twitter).
Several have asked me, after seeing my postings in regards to my illness and that I would like to speak of today. It was 2004 I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, simply put ulcers on my colon – in my case these ulcers were 18 inches up and was unresponsive to medical treatment. The next two years, I barely clung to my life as the medication used acted against my body – leading to hospital visits up to three times per week. Those two years, it was at the hospital I called home – the only life I knew. However, damage was done that have worsened year by year. My condition was the worst the medical specialist had seen, in a few short years I came to know over 30 doctors – all providing no assistance pointing me to the next as they closed my file and repeated they couldn’t help. By this time the ulcers had ate through the muscle tissue in my colon, causing a rectal prolaspe. Simply put, my rectum protrudes from my body – this reason is reason for 90% of my chronic pain with the other 10% being colitis which directly worsens the majority of pain and prolaspe. I was continual diagnosed with linked problem after linked problem, in which lead to the utter of the word terminal illness. Later, diagnosed with chronic MRSA infections it is this stopping any surgery to be preformed – as colitis is a auto immune disease that suppresses the immune system to non functioning. However, these are not the only problems that I have but these are the problems that have lead me to struggle knowing tomorrow only brings pain that I am no longer sure I can fight.
I have taken the liberty to include the following links for more of a detailed, medical prospective outlook into the three issues/illnesses listed above.
[1] Rectal Prolaspe — http://twurl.nl/2rr8ll
[2] Ulcerative Colitis — http://twurl.nl/4s54sy
[3] MRSA Infections — http://twurl.nl/1ib3au
Note – These pages contain complete medial information, navigate the pages by clicking on the next number of the series until the end is reached.
Note – Within link [1] on page #16 a clear picture of a prolaspe can be seen, while I encourage readers to know the full truth of my pain, I will warn that picture is not for the ‘faint hearted’ and should be viewed with digression. For those who view the picture, I will only state that those who view that photo should know why I have chronic pain as it is not a pleasant thing to go though.
